see also virginity 2 and http://alderspace.pbworks.com/w/page/140510103/virginity

The winners

Giving their virginity to each other is still a great joy and priviledge to many couples. Yes, we know that many regard virginity as old-fashioned. But it's still something that many couples do manage to preserve until their wedding nights, and it's right that they should see this as a very special and joyful thing.

And it has many advantages!

But what of the rest of us?

Many other couples don't manage this particular ideal. So are their marriages second-rate? Surely not!

And yet many people have been made to suffer enormously over the years because of the reproach of the church, of their subsequent partners, and most of all and most immediately, of themselves... simply because they have lost their virginity, and bitterly regret it.

Christianity is very much the religion of the new start, of repentance and forgiveness, of redemption. Any theology which curses people with a stamp of being second-rate because of one night of folly... or even of assault... is less than Christian.

But it's a complex issue, and for many, many people a very painful one.

Let's say that again...

For a great many people, the subject of virginity is extremely painful.

That final verse of Like a Rolling Stone is left out of a lot of the cover versions. What's it about? Many speculate. Like most of Bob Dylan's best works, it can be taken many, many ways, and mean many things, and Dylan hasn't said what he meant. But many see it as a very perceptive description of the passionate and destructive emotions that a regretted loss of virginity can arouse.

Don't take it lightly. It's so easy to do yourself some needless and painful damage. And you'll feel so stupid and helpless afterwards.

Some questions and answers

This is just some commonly asked questions which do have (relatively) simple answers...

Can a guy tell whether a girl is a virgin?

This question is often asked by girls who are dreading a wedding night confrontation, either soon or far away in their dreams, or know someone who is.

Simple answer is it all depends.

Undoubtedly, if the guy is highly experienced, having slept with a number of virgins and others, he'll have a pretty good idea. Not infallible, but probably right. But... in this situation, so what? He's hardly in any position to be judgemental about her former conduct!

If the guy is a virgin himself, then no way! He's guessing, probably based on some folklore. And again, he's got no right to make any accusations based on this.

And in between, it gets kinda complicated. So in practice the better answer is no.

Do all (female) virgins bleed?

Simple answer is no. But many do... so many that, while it's not an infallible test, it's often been used as one, notably in the Bible.

There's a lot of speculation about why it seems that fewer girls bleed today than did in the past. Some blame the use of tampons. Just a few years ago the tampon industry was assuring women that they had medical evidence to prove that there would be no such effect, but more recently they have begun to equivocate on this. Others say that with the sexual revolution, fewer people are virgins, despite any claims they may make. And still others say that there's no change, that we're just talking about it more so it seems there's a change.

There's no doubt that we are talking about it more than we did in the 19th century and the first half of the 20th century. Before that it's a bit hard to say... The Old Testament for example seems remarkably uninhibited. But since the publication of the Kinsey reports, there's been a lot of discussion, including from Christian writers. And nearly all of these have their own agendas (and some accuse Kinsey of having his too), including and some suggest especially the Christian writers.

Let's assume agendas all around. We'll plead guilty to ours... but we are trying very hard to be fair and accurate too!

Can virginity be restored?

Again, this question is generally asked of female virginity. The simple answer is yes... and no.

Yes...

Hymen reconstruction or hymenorrhaphy is an established and growing industry. It's not for everyone, but it's an option for some. There are risks of course with any surgery, and it's not cheap, and it's a bit difficult to find out who is reputable and who is not as it's not regarded as mainstream medicine, so there's no effective regulation, and the rewards may not be what you want. But it's not a very difficult or risky procedure if you can find and afford the right clinic.

In some places, suturing a recently broken hymen is even part of the normal medical treatment of rape victims, and covered by social security and/or medical insurance.

So if a broken hymen is ruining your self-image, it can be fixed... contrary to what many will tell you.

and No...

Virginity is not just about a hymen. Guys don't even have one to break or fix. Some girls are virgins but don't have a hymen to break. So a hymen repair may make you physically identical to a virgin, but it won't really make you one.