Just as a human being is more than an animal, so there is a lot more to sexuality than just sex. Or at least, there can and should be.
People can of course function as animals, and that's part of being human too. But it's not all there is.
And in this, sexuality is very similar to many other human activities. The hands of a chimpanzee are very similar to those of a human being, but no chimpanzee has ever crafted or played a viola. To a chimp, sound may give information, but it will never be music. And to a basset hound, the finest meal is just food. No amount of culinary skill will make the hound, however beloved a pet, enjoy it as a creative experience.
To many people, sex is just a biological urge. But it doesn't have to be that way. Just as we have the opportunity to use our hands and senses to express and experience creative arts, so we can use them and our hormones and genitals too to express and experience love.
And God made us that way, and it was good. That's what Genesis says, quite explicitly.
Or to put it another way...
You already have a love life...
Whatever your past, you have a wonderful potential to experience love. The love both of God and of other people. The love of God is always available to you immediately, as he has already made a clear, binding and permanent commitment to love you. The love of others is a bit trickier.
and you already have a sex life...
...even if that sex life consists purely of denying your natural urges. And that denial can be a holy and beautiful thing. Holy means set apart. God really values things that are precious to us that we offer him, and deliberate celibacy is a very precious offering some make (and this is just the opposite of having a gift of singleness, but that's another discussion!). But permanent celibacy is certainly not for everyone.
Ideally, your sex life is part of your love life. That sounds so simple? Ummm, in general, no. Loveless sex is readily available and widely promoted. Always has been. Sexual abuse of others is so widespread that in some contexts the English word morals means sexual rules of conduct.
But it might be a useful principle to keep in mind. So here it is again:
Your sex life should be part of your love life.
Make love... real, God-given, holy, giving love... as much a part of your life as you possibly can.
Shun any sort of sexual activity that does not do that love justice.
And yes, it's not always easy to tell the difference in the heat of the moment. So be careful of those moments! But also accept God's forgiveness for past mistakes. That's part of his love too.
See also prayer for couples.
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